Monthly Archives

May 2020

Mental Health

Why I’ve Lost Myself To Depression Recently

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash

TRIGGER WARNING: This will talk a lot about depression and negative thoughts so please don’t read if you’re struggling right.

It’s been a long time since I’ve written an honest-to-god kind of post, but I feel it’s right to. You may have noticed that I have been more odd than usual since the start of lockdown.

The truth is that I haven’t taken to this ‘new normal’ well. In fact it had made me the worst I’ve been for years. I’ve been trying to figure out the best way to describe what my mental health has been like and the only way I know is through a blog post. I’ll try not to waffle on too much but maybe someone else will have felt the same.

So…what has been going on in my mental health world?

My eating disorder is out of control.

My brain refuses to work so I have horrendous concentration. This is the main reason why my posts and social media have been so sporadic. I ended up leaving a couple of comment swaps because I wasn’t able to read/comment on other posts. It’s made me feel like not only a hopeless blogger but a rubbish human being.

I haven’t felt human.

I’ve done human things such as getting up, eating and going to bed. That’s it. I haven’t been able to function during phone/zoom calls, haven’t been able to get fit or do any of the things most people seem to be doing. It isn’t for want of trying. I truly have tried my hardest every day to write a post or even to sit up on my sofa. The fact that I’ve even left bed is a miracle.

If it wasn’t for the fear of being sectioned during a pandemic, I would have voluntarily sectioned myself at the start. I’ll be honest and admit that I have felt nothing but a shell. My parents always taught me that I should be thankful for having my strength and my health, but I don’t feel it. Just because I physically look fine doesn’t mean that I’m not in agony.

Somehow I’ve lost who I am to my mind.

It’s taken control over everything I do and I hate it so much. I feel like I’ve forgotten who I even was before my depression appeared. There are pictures of me as a kid smiling and giggling and I literally can’t think of a day when I’ve smiled this year. You know you see those pictures of someone with a smile mask part off and the other part has tears? That’s me.

This blog has been my baby for 2 years now and I discovered that it was triggering me. The idea of not posting as often as other people, not having the motivation to schedule posts or posting on social media. I have tried to post a little on Twitter but even that has been a massive struggle. My depression makes me see the online world as everyone mocking me for my failures. Believe me, I know no-one is but that’s mental health in a nutshell. The only person mocking me right now is myself. Therapy is ever so slowly trying to help me see through that.

I guess it’s just hard to be positive when your world was already burning before all this.

All this said, I still aim to be there for friends who are struggling. If I can relate somehow to what they’re feeling, I’ll be there with a funny gif or a listening ear. I’ve had a small handful of people who I have spoken to in DMs when I’ve been super low and they’ve been a god-send.

I can’t say that I’ll post much while I battle this but I appreciate you being there anyway. There’s no question to answer for this post. Just stay safe.

depression

 

Fandom

Who Would I Cast In The Disney+ Percy Jackson Series?

percy jackson

You might care or you might not but, for those of you who do, Percy Jackson is going to be turned into a series on Disney+!! I have been waiting so long for these books to be given a second chance. I don’t blame the cast in the Percy Jackson films because their acting was really good! It was just the bad writing. Logan Lerman made a great Percy and I would totally have cast him if he was young enough.

Since Nick Rhiordan (the author) is going to be working alongside the team, we don’t have to worry. He’ll make sure that the series sticks close to his series!

Hearing the news made me think of a particular question: who would I cast in the new Percy Jackson series?

If you haven’t read the books or seen the films, here’s a quick rundown for you!

There are so many characters I could chat about and, since we don’t know if it’s starting from the start, I’m going to focus on some of the main people. Of course I’ll be including Nico in this because he’s a dark, forboding boy who deserves all the love!

Percy Jackson

We have to start with the title character himself!

There has been bits of contraversy over his previous casting. In the books he is meant to be 12 years old and in 6th grade, but Logan was 17/18 when he played him. A little bit of an age jump! If we are starting from the start, I really hope they use an actor that is around 12/13!

I guess it depends on the success of the show when it comes out if the cast are going to grow up with it. Disney shows always tend to be 2 seasons long unless they’re popular. Who knows! This fangirl definitely can’t see into the minds of the Disney bosses!

Choice: Jacob Tremblay (Wonder/Doctor Sleep)

I reckon Jacob has great experience already at 13 to handle being Percy, both the comedy and the drama!

Annabeth Chase

Okay, moving onto the Daughter of Athena: Annabeth!

For me, whoever plays her has to be able to show Annabeth’s intelligence and sass. I mean…she ends up calling Percy ‘Seaweed Brain’ in the first book. She also needs to help us believe that she’s been at Camp Halfblood for a while!

Choice: Indi Star (Henry Danger)

For me, Indi would make a great Annabeth! She’s 13 so in perfect range, blonde and I loved her performances in Henry Danger! She’s still a relative newcomer so I reckon the Percy Jackson series would be a great step-up for her!

Grover Underwood

This is a real tricky one for me!

Grover is a satyr so he literally could have anyone playing him! I remember seeing that he was brown-haired and biologically looked 16. He is really 33 but we all know he acts younger. There are so many talented teen actors who might be the one to play one of my favourite characters. They obviously have to be good at comedy because Grover has some amazing lines in the books, but show that he has conflicted emotions.

That and he’s terrified of rabbits! Haha.

Choices: Blake Talabis (The Umbrella Academy) or Aidan Gallagher (The Umbrella Academy)

Poseidon

We all know who Poseidon is.

God of the sea, has a trident, son of Kronos and Rhea! He’s also Percy’s dad (though Percy doesn’t know that straight away). I had to have a good think about who could possibly play him and what age. Who could realistically look like that they could have a 12 year old child.

There’s only a few people who came to mind and I hope at least one person agrees with me.

Choices: Ben Barnes (Chronicles of Narnia), Jay Baruchel (How To Train A Dragon) or Justin Chatwin

If only we could have Logan Lerman has Poseidon! That would be amazing but he’s way too young. Hopefully he gets a cameo somewhere in the series as someone!

There are so many characters throughout the books that this post would be drag-on for ages. If you want to know who else I’d cast in the series, just ask. I have them physically written down in a list! I think it’s going to be a while before we even get an inkling of the series due to the pandemic, but we have hope.

We got the news and that’s the biggest step! Now we just need this dumb Covid-19 to disappear so we can fangirl/boy over Percy Jackson all over again!!

Who would you cast in the Disney+ series?

percy jackson

Books

5 Exciting YA Summer Releases You Have To Preorder

Photo by fotografierende on Unsplash

Sometimes you have to look towards the future when you want to ignore the present. Reading has become a lifeline in recent weeks and I’m already looking to Summer for book releases that I can preorder!

I haven’t done as many book posts as I’d prefer, but that happens. I can read a bunch of different books but I always forget to write reviews about them. I love reading other blogs such as A Rambling Reviewer to see what they think about their books. Once a blog reader, always a blog reader! This is probably why my Netgalley percentage is down in my boots! Haha!

Promise I’m going to try to be better, publishers!

With so many books released every season, these are some of the YA novels that I’m super excited to check out this summer.

The Lost Soul Atlas (Zana Fraillon – 23rd July)

A boy awakens in the Afterlife, with a pocketful of vague memories, a key, a raven, and a mysterious atlas to guide him as he sets out to piece together what happened, and try to find his way home…

I love the sound of this book so much! It reminds me of a similar book called Elsewhere by Gabrielle Zevin. It looks at death, life and everything in between. It’s an amazing book and a definite must-read. The Lost Soul Atlas caught my eye because of the plot. The fact that this boy wakes up and doesn’t remember how he died and has to figure it all out is interesting!

Got to love a book that makes you think!

The Heartstopper Colouring Book (Alice Oseman – 11th June)

Another book post mentioning Heartstopper! I’m officially recognising that I’m just a total Alice Oseman fangirl. I saw Alice’s publisher Team BKMRK mentioning that a Heartstopper colouring book was being released in June and I squealed!

Talk about an immediate pre-order!

I won’t do a perfect colouring job because I’m not artistic, but I’ll still have fun regardless.

The Falling in Love Montage (Ciara Smyth – 4th June)

Seventeen-year-old Saoirse has finished with exams and is facing a long hot summer before uni. She plans to party, get drunk, watch horror movies and forget all her troubles by kissing girls. Ever since the breakupocalypse with her ex Hannah, she’s been alone and angry, dealing with the hole left in her family by her sick mother’s absence. Worse, Dad drops a bombshell: he’s remarrying at the end of the summer.

Enter the scene: Ruby, who might just be the prettiest girl Saoirse’s ever seen. A romcom fan and a believer in true love, Ruby challenges cynical Saoirse to try a summer romance with the serious parts left out, just like in the movies. But what happens when the falling in love montage ends?

What better way to enjoy summer than by reading a LGBTQ+ rom-com! I’m slowly building up my little Pride bookshelf and this particular book sounds so adorable! I mean…why wouldn’t you read about an ‘breakupcalypse’ and two girls falling in love!

Saoirse already sounds amazing. Though I may be biased because Saoirse Ronan is one of my favourite actresses. Hands-up in the comments if you also know how to pronounce her name! Haha! I may be tempted to read this while listening to the Love Actually soundtrack!

The Switch Up: L.A Exchange (Katy Cannon – 25th June)

Alice can’t wait to visit Willa in LA – home of Hollywood, where dreams come true. Their plan is to explore the city and see the sights, but then Willa gets the opportunity to work on the film project of her dreams and she can’t say no!

The only problem is she is absolutely 100% supposed to be taking part in a beach clean-up. Which, now she thinks of it, sounds pretty perfect for Alice… Can the girls really swap lives again? Cue plotting, outfit swapping and award-winning performances. But everyone knows that real life is nothing like the movies…

As someone that loved the first book, I was super happy to see that Katy had written a sequel!

This already sounds like it will be just as fun as ‘The Switch Up’. Alice is such an awesome character due to the fact that she’s an Eco warrior and knows her own mind. She just seems to end up in these weird situations because of Willa! If you love the sounds of Prince & The Pauper meets The Parent Trap, then maybe think about popping this on your preorder list!

Love on the Main Stage (S.A. Domingo – 25th June)

16-year-old songwriter Nova is having the best summer of her life. Helping out with her parents’ food truck, she gets to attend not one, but FIVE different music festivals! Things get even better when she meets cute American boy, Sam, an aspiring musician like her. After sharing a magical evening dancing under the stars, Nova never expects to see Sam again. But to her surprise they keep meeting up at music festivals…

Nova begins to hope that their romance could become more than just a festival fling. So why is Sam so reluctant to talk about himself? And why does he have access to the VIP backstage area?

Look…this lockdown is clearly making me preorder romantic YA books! I guess that’s what happens when you’re on your own. *sob*

I’ve never been to a music festival so I have to live vicariously through books like this. There’s something super sweet about this plot. Two teens crushing on each other, dancing under the stars, and one hiding a big secret. What do you think Sam could be hiding?

Is he a secret Hannah Montana?! Haha.

What YA novels have you got on your preorder list this summer?

Lifestyle

What I’m Watching On Netflix This May

Photo by Mollie Sivaram on Unsplash

You know how we once said we barely had any time to watch everything on Netflix?

Yeah, I think someone up there took us seriously and have given us way too much time on our hands. It’s kind of a good job that I hadn’t binge-watched anything so have had plenty to watch. One of the things I love about Netflix is that it’s constantly adding new TV shows and films to the site.

You even have originals to love as well!

We’re a week into May and I thought it was the perfect time to share what I’m planning to watch throughout the month. Some of these are out and some of them are coming out later on!

Films

The Half of It

When smart but cash-strapped teen Ellie Chu agrees to write a love letter for a jock, she doesn’t expect to become his friend – fall for his crush.

As soon as I saw the trailer for this film, it was immediately added to my notifications! It ticks all of the boxes for what I love in a cheesy film: it’s funny, it has an amazing cast and it’s LGBTQ+! There are so few of these kinds of films so I was beyond happy to see this!

I’ll probably do a little wrap-up post of this at the end to let you know what I thought!

Becoming

Join former first lady Michelle Obama in an intimate documentary looking at her life, hopes and connection with others as she tours with “Becoming”.

I had been hoping that Michelle Obama’s book would become a documentary! It was such an interesting look into what she’d been through up until this point. I’ve always thought she was an incredible woman who had a great sense of humour and made an awesome First Lady. If only she and Barack were still in the White House! Nobody is perfect but yeah…

Something had been missing when I read her book and that was seeing it on screen. There’s only so much my imagination can do!

Five Feet Apart

A teen with cystic fibrosis shakes up her daily routine and challenges hospital protocol when she falls for a fellow patient.

Alright…so this one is a little bit of a cheat.

I’ve already the book, seen the film and have this on DVD. It’s just such a heart-warming/heart-destroying film that I didn’t think I’d fall for so hard. The reason why I’m watching it again is pretty obvious: we’re all having to keep at least six feet apart right now and this was my attempt at being funny! Haha!

Plus Cole Sprouse is so good in this!!

The Sun Is Also A Star

Sparks fly between romantic Daniel and science-minded Natasha, high schoolers who have hours to fall in love before she’s forced to leave the country.

Another film that was a book first!

This was a book that I couldn’t really figure out when I first read it. I’m not entirely sure what didn’t sit right with me but I finished feeling disappointed. Maybe I didn’t get it for some reason? That’s why I’m hoping watching the film will let me give it another chance.

If I like the film, then I’ll give the book another shot!

TV Shows/Documentaries

Hollywood

In post-World War II Hollywood, an ambitious group of aspiring actors and filmmakers will do almost anything to make their showbiz dreams come true.

Two words: Darren Criss!!

This guy deserves every award under the sun for the performances he has been giving! I’m so happy that he got recognised for ‘The Assassination of Gianni Versace’ and it’s quickly becoming obvious that Darren and Ryan Murphy are a powerful force!

Darren has that kind of face that fits well with any era! Modern or past! He’s even the face of the poster on the Netflix website! It’s so cool and I’m really excited to sit down and watch.

Sweet Magnolias

Lifelong friends Maddie, Helen and Dana Sue lift each other up and they juggle relationships, family and careers in the small, Southern town of Serenity.

I’ve always had a thing for these kinds of TV shows. I guess growing up in the 90s with shows like Gilmore Girls, Sex in the City and Friends has an effect on you. Plus I’m at that age now where I’m going through some of the same problems these women are.

That makes me feel so old!!

Sometimes you just need a show that makes you feel good about yourself. It doesn’t start until 19th May so you’ve got plenty of time to decide if this is your kind of show.

The Hollow (Season 2)

After discovering the truth behind the Hollow, friends Adam, Mira and Kai must face their fears and tackle even bigger challenges together.

You knew I had to have at least one thing on this list that showed I’m still a big kid! If you haven’t watched The Hollow, then you have to check it out on the Childrens tab. It actually keeps you guessing right until the final episode. I love watching cartoons and anime as a guilty pleasure and just being distracted.

I didn’t even know that there was going to be a Season 2 until writing this post! It’s coming out on Friday too!!

What are you watching on Netflix this month?

Lifestyle

5 ‘Hug From A Social Distance’ Gift Ideas For Your Personal Heroes

social distancePhoto by Jeremy Cai on Unsplash

It’s May 1st and, like everyone, I’m missing my friends and family. Having to social distance away from them is difficult even for someone with social anxiety. It’s true what they say: you really don’t miss what you have until it’s gone. So many people are having to celebrate important days away from each other: birthdays, anniversaries, births and more.

That’s why showing how you care can be so important.

There are so many ways you can show someone how you feel. By this point we’re pros at showing our key workers how much we appreciate them! There are loads of windows around the UK decorated with rainbows, pictures and we’ve been applauding every Thursday.

We’ve even been sending each other gifts from our Amazon wishlists to make someone’s day a little lighter. We’re literally hugging each other from a social distance. I’ve been trying to buy a few little things from Etsy to help support any small businesses. While on there, I discovered that people have been making cards and little gifts for people.

I had to share some of my favourites from the site! If you love, please feel free to support and buy.

‘Thank You NHS’ card (£2.75)

Have you got someone in your family or a friend who works for the NHS? It doesn’t matter if they’re a doctor, nurse, receptionist or even a new volunteer! They all deserve a massive thanks from us!

I loved this ‘Thank You’ card because it shows them for what they are.

Super heroes!

Nursicorn Mug (£7.95)

If there’s anything I know about nurses, it’s that they have one crazy sense of humour. My mum was one for over 40 years and she had the best humour! It’s really a case of laughing or crying sometimes. When I saw this mug, I got a massive grin on my face.

It’s just so quirky and not what you’re expecting!

Plus it would be great to give to a nurse who has a magical personality! Haha!

Rainbow Pocket Token (£3.99)

Remember how I said how special rainbows are right now?

Here’s one that you can carry in your pocket from a loved one! It has a gorgeous little saying that comes along with it: ‘Keep this rainbow close to get you through the storm.’

So cute, right?!

You can make it personalised and let someone you care about it feel loved.

‘Stand Back You Must’ T-Shirt (£14.70)

You knew I had to have a nerdy pick for a gift idea.

This one is a t-shirt with Baby Yoda wearing a mask saying ‘Stand back you must’. I mean…that’s what we all have to do right now. Stand back from people and keep some sort of social distance.

I’ve been watching The Mandalorian and Baby Yoda is the cutest little thing in the galaxy! Perfect for any Star Wars/Disney fans stuck in lockdown.

‘Saving Mickey & Humanity’ T-Shirt (£20.88)

Another Disney t-shirt for my fellow fangirls/boys!

I’ve never known Disney parks all over the world being closed for anything other than hurricanes, but we now we’ve had all this. It’s something to gift someone who is in the know and wants something to wear in future. Nothing like saying we kept Mickey and everyone safe from the world!

What gifts would you give to anyone from a social distance?

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