I usually love going on a roller-coaster but not the mental health kind. You honestly think you’re stable and things start to work out for a few days and then down you go, triggered by something stupid and you’re stuck in a fall for weeks. I’ve been in one of those dips for a little while and it’s why I go from blogging and being active on social media to practically non-existent. It isn’t that I don’t want to do all those things, but my interest just wasn’t there.
When I go in a slump, I find it very difficult to do anything.
Since I’m feeling a little more with it today, I wanted to chat about what went through my head during this roller-coaster session for those who don’t suffer from mental health. A little under a month ago, I restarted my blog after almost a year. I had a list of ideas that I wanted to write and was just happy to have my own blog again. I’d missed writing about my fangirl ways and being able to connect with others about their mental health. However, it wasn’t long until my doubts came back.
Why does my photography look so bad?
Why can’t I write what’s inside my head?
How is anyone meant to comment if you don’t schedule tweets?
Soon I found myself finding ways to avoid going onto Twitter or onto my site. I couldn’t face everyone who was busy with their own lives and still being able to come up with posts people cared about reading. You know when you have that little voice inside your head that tells you all your faults? I have that 24/7. No let up. I can shut it up by going for a walk or listening to music, but even going for a walk makes me see others and immediately compare myself. It’s no way to life but, for now, it is the way I do live.
I have to learn to accept that even one blog post a week is to be celebrated and not to pushed aside. I’m not a blogger who is able to write multiple times a week, schedule everything and comment on anything like I used to when I first started. I’m a different person to then and I can’t expect myself to work miracles with a war battling inside me. I’m trying to find ways to still feel as if I’m doing something for the blog even if it isn’t overly big.
Being on this mental health roller-coaster is not a fun ride at all, but I just need to find my own way to cope with my breath-taking drops and understand that people will read my posts when they want to.
How are you coping with your own roller-coaster?